Fandom: Jonas Brothers, The Academy Is...
Main Characters: Kevin Jonas, Mike Carden, Joe Jonas, Nick Jonas, Nicole Anderson, Andy "Butcher" Mrotek, Bill Beckett (+ the rest of TAI, and Chelsea Staub)
Adult Content: Nope
Summary: In which TAI TV and JONAS are feuding internet shows, YouTube commenting is considered a reasonable way to flirt, Nick has a temper, Joe fails at scheming, and Nicole is a traitor. Kevin and Mike are really just along for the ride.
Teaser: The fact that he is not and never has been Crazy4Carden87 doesn't change his worry that maybe they are onto him, since he is, in fact, crazy for Carden. But it's more likely that they're trying to psych him out than any of them figuring that out from the scattered run-ins at cafes and grocery stores, so he just deletes the message and doesn't tell anyone.
Notes: Written for the anon_lovefest
It starts with a TAI TV episode that involves curly black wigs, jokes about bad pop songs, bad pop songs to emphasize the jokes, and the wig-wearing Bill, Siska, and Butcher dying at the end.
(It actually starts before that, with the first comment from TttlyGay4Kevin. But stupid screen names and declarations of love aren't anything out of the ordinary, so nobody thought anything of it for a long time.)
Nick rolls his eyes, says, "See? This is why we're more popular, that's way too over-the-top."
Joe's too busy thinking about how badass he'd look with Butcher's tattoos to say anything. Kevin knows better than to argue with Nick. But when TAI TV ends their six-week winning streak by a full three hundred hits, he totally tells the Nick inside his head "I told you so."
Joe's brilliant scheme for a retaliatory episode involves a pretty brown wig and Sharpie tattoos. Nick spends twenty minutes reasoning with him that he can't have the wig and the tattoos and the Australian accent, since Bill, Butcher, and Michael Guy are three different people, before he remembers it's a stupid idea even without all the contradictions, because it's the same thing TAI already did.
While they argue, Kevin spends ten minutes in Photoshop, another ten on CafePress, and orders them a bunch of his newly-designed Team JONAS shirts. And then, for good measure, sets Nick off on another twenty-minute lecture by trying to claim the Australian accent and dead ferret wig for himself.
TAI TV only beats them by seventy-five hits the next week, but that's almost irrelevant, because the BONE-ASS episode with the bad wigs and horrible death scenes keeps getting more popular. Nick's face gets red and scrunchy every time he gets within twenty feet of the computer. Joe's still convinced Sharpie tattoos are the way to go, mostly because it turned out Kevin really does have a better Australian accent, and it's better to act like that's a bad idea than to admit defeat.
Kevin keeps a close eye on their t-shirt sales and remains silent. The storm will blow over.
TtlyGay4Kevin posts a picture of himself in a Team JONAS shirt in the comments to the one where Kevin's a cheerleader, and a plea for them to sell individual shirts, 'cause he can totally do without supporting the other two.
Nick grumbles; Joe starts rambling about how he's the pretty one and thus the rightful gay icon of the group; Kevin just blushes and complies with TtlyGay4Kevin's request for more shirts.
Mike's wearing a Team JONAS shirt in the new TAI TV. Which is weird, 'cause he's playing a girl, and if they needed a girl JONAS fan, Bill's kind of the obvious choice. And, yeah, there's something not-at-all-unpleasant curling low in Kevin's gut, watching Mike ramble about how awesome Kevin (okay, and Joe and Nick, but that's not really important) is, but that couldn't be what they're going for 'cause they'd have to be aware Kevin kind of wants to kiss Mike Carden forever.
When the entire band slap Mike in succession so he shakes his head and tugs off the shirt, Kevin's breath might catch a little. But he's wearing another one underneath, Team TAI. They're totally cheating, 'cause it's obvious even from the little video window Butcher designed the shirt, and Kevin's Photoshop skills are no match for the Butcher. Also it's cheating to tease Mike's bare chest, but.
"We shouldn't even be watching these," Nick grumbles over Kevin's shoulder. "We're giving them hits."
"One hit. And they watch ours," Kevin says, but he gives the video one star to balance it out.
"You're all idiots," Nicole says, with this look on her face like maybe she doesn't think "idiot" is strong enough.
"These are all Joe's ideas," Nick says, and she just rolls her eyes.
"You wouldn't have let him pitch them if you weren't willing to do 'em if I said yes."
Nicole knows them all too well, which is the only reason Nick could give for not killing off her character the first time she hooked up with Butcher. Kevin and Joe came up with six hundred more between them, but since they knew he wouldn't actually kill off Macy those were mostly to see how red his face would get.
Nick's not a big fan of fraternizing with the enemy, 'cause Nick takes this all entirely too seriously.
"Also, Butcher wants a Team Macy shirt."
"Secondary characters don't get shir – I mean, yes ma'am."
Nicole pats Joe's head like he's a dog, and then settles down with her notebook and pen. "So if Joe's got all his crappy ideas out, we can plan for real now?"
When Kevin finishes uploading the one where Joe has a celebrity stalker (whose name, apparently, just had to be Wilhelmina Beckett, because there was absolutely no talking him out of targeting TAI), there's a message in their inbox, just a screencap of a few comments from a Crazy4Carden87 and "we're onto you, Kevin Jonas".
The fact that he is not and never has been Crazy4Carden87 doesn't change his worry that maybe they are onto him, since he is, in fact, crazy for Carden. But it's more likely that they're trying to psych him out than any of them figuring that out from the scattered run-ins at cafes and grocery stores, so he just deletes the message and doesn't tell anyone.
"Team Macy shirts have outsold everything but Team JONAS," Nick says, and immediately slaps his hand to his forehead; when Kevin turns around, Macy's right there, with Butcher, grinning. They'll never hear the end of this.
"That was free, but any more business tips are gonna cost you," Butcher says, and ruffles Joe's hair. Joe only lets him 'cause Chelsea's right there to finger-comb it back into place. Also to glare at Butcher, and since her glare rivals Nicole's, he actually steps back.
Nicole eyes the space next to Nick in the booth like she wants to sit down, but Nick just glares. Kevin and Joe are totally fine hanging out with Butcher, when he's in Nicole's-weird-boyfriend mode and not you're-going-down-bitches mode, but Nick's sticking to his dumb The Enemy thing again.
There are three more messages in the inbox when Kevin signs on to check comments, more screencaps. Two just say "LOL"; one says "Really, Kevin, it's cruel to get young Carden's hopes up like this." That has to be from William.
TtlyGay4Kevin has left six comments; Kevin saves them all, because he has a lot of people who like him, but no one else has made a whole account just for him. Sometimes, a little ego boost is kind of nice.
"Kevin's doing the song this week," Nick says.
Chelsea and Nicole both aww at the same time Kevin says, "I am not."
"There has to be a song, Kev, and this one's about you."
"You can sing about me."
"It's time more than the shower got to hear your beautiful voice," Joe says, and Kevin just rolls his eyes. They got through one episode without him singing, they'll be fine.
"Kev?" Nicole says, and she has this not-entirely-trustworthy glint in her eye. "Do it. Trust me."
For the first week since BONE-ASS, they get more hits than TAI TV. Kevin basically can't talk to anybody, because they're all making this stupid smug face at him. Even stupid Butcher shows Kevin the song on his iPod, starts going on about joining Team Kevin until Nicole smacks him. He gets out something about not being the only one before Nicole gives him that look that makes Joe call her ma'am and drags him out of the café.
"Call off your minion, dude," Joe says, making it very hard for Kevin to ignore him. "That totally gay dude is, like, cockblocking our comments page."
"How do you cockblock comments?"
"I dunno, but man, no one else can get a word in edgewise. Also, I think he's a stalker, 'cause he wants to meet you. Oh, and you have like eight messages from TAI, if you're their friend now you better not tell Nick."
"How do you know they're for me? You haven't even opened them," Kevin says, finally giving up on ignoring Joe and leaning over his shoulder.
"Uh, the subject for this one is 'I Heart Kevin's Booty', so."
Kevin sighs and snatches the laptop away.
TtlyGay4Kevin must go to their school, since he suggested meeting up at the café that's on campus instead of the place with better coffee twenty minutes away in town. Which makes Kevin feel slightly better about agreeing to meet him, because at least if he's creepy he's Kevin's-age creepy, not 40-year-old creepy.
Mike freaking Carden is sitting at a table in the back wearing...the exact outfit TtlyGay4Kevin had told him to look for. Well. At least if that's a TAI joke account, it explains why they're so paranoid about Crazy4Carden87.
"You're off the hook, dude, Nicole told us she's the crazy for me whatever person. Her justification was you being shy, but she said it more...Nicole-y."
Mike looks at him like he's trying to figure him out; he's got crazy intense eyes, and Kevin fidgets a little under his gaze. "So if she's right, sit down, and if she's not, you can pretend this never happened and I'll stop hitting on you through your comments."
Oh. Oh. Kevin blinks, more than he needs to, and waits for someone to tell him he looks like a baby deer before he remembers neither of the girls are here. "I. Oh," he says, again, and sits down across from Mike.
"So," Mike says, pushes one of the mugs in front of him across the table to Kevin. "You might be under the impression I'm totally gay for you."
Mike grins, and Kevin feels all...warm. And melty. But not in a gross way. "That, Kevin Jonas, is exactly the correct impression."